Asleep
by ThatAutumnNight
Summary: That was the moment that turned Roxas nocturnal. And every night after, he was compelled to wander through Castle Oblivion, tempted to get lost again. And every night, he found himself in Axel’s room watching him toss and turn, wishing he was right next t


**"Asleep"**

I walked into the room like the many nights I did before. The familiarity of the room enveloped me in an atmosphere of nostalgia. Slowly, quietly, I walked towards the bed in almost painful suspense. I looked at the lump that was wrapped in dull yet warm gray blankets.

He was asleep.

I sighed in both disappointment and relief. Part of me wished he would wake up and look at me, straight into my eyes. That part of me wished he would get mad at me, his piercing eyes flaming, and stop me from leaving. I wanted him to _convince_ me not to leave. I wanted him to tell me to stay… with him, but the other part of me was glad he was asleep because then I would be able to hold back everything, all my emotions, instead of surrendering to my own desire of staying.

I knelt at the side of his bed and ran my hand gently through his fiery-red locks. I laughed when I thought of lifting his eyelids, hoping to get a glimpse of those almost too-green eyes. How amusing would that look? My smiles faded as I rubbed the back of my hand against his pale cheek. I remembered the first time I started walking into his room just to watch him sleep.

-------

The hallways of Castle Oblivion were quiet. Roxas leaned against the cold walls of white, yawning. "I just wanted some juice in the middle of the night and I get lost." He sighed as he stood straight once again and continued walking. After a few minutes, he was at the end of the hall, a door was opened and darkness seemed to be creeping out instead of light creeping in.

"I could probably sleep in that room tonight. The owner wouldn't mind. I mean, he… or she… please let it be a he… might already be asleep anyway. Besides, I'm cold and tired." Roxas told himself. Entering the room, he could hear the slow inhaling and exhaling of the sleeping form that lay on the bed. He moved closer and noticed the spiky, red hair that poked out from underneath the covers.

_It's Axel's room…_ Roxas realized.

He shivered a bit but continued to stare at the other nobody, dreaming away. That was the moment that turned Roxas nocturnal. And every night after, he was compelled to wander through Castle Oblivion, tempted to get lost again. And every night, he found himself in Axel's room watching him toss and turn, wishing he was right next to him so he could feel the fire user's warmth.

Sometimes, he would talk to Axel. He'd tell him his secret fears. He'd tell him how scared he was at the fact that one day; he might actually fade into the darkness, live life forever without a heart. He'd tell Axel that every time he'd have to go on a mission, his hands would shake. He didn't care that Axel couldn't hear him and he was even partially thankful for that because Roxas even told him how terrified he was at the fact that one day, he might loose Axel, and he'd never come back.

---

"Back again, I see."

Roxas blinked at him, his face frozen in embarrassment and shock. Roxas was busted. All he wanted to do was peck Axel goodnight before he finally left to sleep himself, when Axel's hand suddenly held his cheek. He opened his eyes and smiled at Roxas. It scared the living daylights out of him.

"You were- you were awake?" He stammered. "All this time… every night whenever… I'm here; you'd always… always be awake?" Roxas couldn't believe it. He wished it was all a dream and that he was sleeping soundly in his room. Axel sat up and the covers fell across his chest.

"Yeah, every single night, even the first night you came into my room." He spoke in monotone. The blond couldn't tell what Axel was thinking. _Is he mad? Did he find me pathetic?_ Different thoughts ran through his head as paranoia took over him.  
And all of a sudden, Axel was laughing. It didn't make Roxas feel better, though. In fact, it made him even more paranoid. What was so funny? He wanted to know but found that he couldn't say anything.

"C'mere…" Axel said through his small laughs.

"Why?" Roxas asked before he could stop himself. His answer was too quick, he thought, too guilty.

"Just come closer." Axel replied, his voice back to that monotone. Roxas stepped a bit closer, near enough to touch the edges of the bed yet far enough to not get caught if he tried to run, that is, if he could.

Silence overtook them both as Axel stared at Roxas and Roxas stared at the wall behind Axel's head. He shifted into a kneeling position, leaned forward and raised his long arms towards Roxas. He took hold of the blonde's hands, but as soon as they made contact, Roxas pulled away. Axel made a face and the other nobody shrugged, looking away, an unknown feeling building deep in his chest. _I'm sorry…_ Roxas' eyebrows furrowed and he put his hands behind him. Again, Axel raised his arms and instead, took hold of Roxas' arms, pulling him closer towards him, so near; Roxas' knees were already touching the covers of the bed.

He wanted to pull away again. He held Axel's arms in attempt to remove them but Axel held him tight, so Roxas just dropped his arms and looked down at floor, anywhere else but at Axel. He could feel himself shaking, whether it was the cold or the fact that he looked about an inch close to dying, he didn't know, and probably he didn't want to know.

"Hey, Rox, look at me." Axel said as he gripped Roxas tighter, almost painfully. He stiffened up and hurriedly replied as he continued to stare down at the floor. "I know you're mad but-…"

"You don't know anything." Axel mumbled.

"… but ..." He slowly raised his eyes to Axel's intense green ones, feeling the blood rush to his face.

"..please let me stay. Go back to sleep and let me stay. I'll be gone in the morning… I always am…" He always _was_ gone by morning, at least, what The World That Never Was considered as "morning".

Roxas' voice started out loud and strong but by the end, it became so soft, it was barely audible. He closed his eyes and hoped with the whole of his non-existent heart that Axel would accept his proposal and that he wouldn't be barbequed into the next century. He hoped that Axel wouldn't hate him or swear eternal loathing unto him. Of course, he felt too, that he was exaggerating things. Axel didn't even seem mad, but Axel is, most of the time, not what he seems. He thought that it was bold of him to propose such a thing, even to his best friend. Roxas was so preoccupied with his contradicting thoughts that he didn't even feel Axel let go of him.

"Okay." He said. Plain as the walls of Castle Oblivion.

"Seriously?" Roxas asked him, momentarily forgetting the situation. He was glad but he couldn't help but think that there was something brewing inside Axel's head. He looked at Axel with large questioning eyes and he laughed again.

"Rox, you're too easy to read. Your eyes give away everything." He told Roxas. He pulled up the covers and laid back into bed, facing the other side, a smile still lingering on his face. "G'night."

Roxas stood there, gawking at the fire-user. His eyes were closed and his chest rose and fell just like any other sleeping person. Roxas chuckled a bit and said goodnight as he knelt at the foot of the red head's bed while its occupant's grin grew wider. This was how it was during the time everyone's awake, wasn't it? Acting like heartless didn't exist, acting like they had hearts, laughing at each other and stalking Larxene to see what girls do in their free time.

But everyone else was asleep, right? During these times, they barely spoke to each other, like they weren't friends to begin with. Roxas stood up and sighed. "That's not fair, Axel. I told you everything about me… I told you so much more than what I even tell myself." Roxas waited for a response but the only reaction he got were snores. When he realized that he wouldn't get any more than that, Roxas left Axel's room, very carefully closing the door behind him.

After that night, Roxas stopped visiting Axel's room.

---

"What- what are you doing here?" Roxas asked hesitantly at the tall figure standing next to his door. His arms were crossed and there was a smirk on his face. He woke up, a bit frightened, in the middle of the night, from a dream he had about a boy, brunette and blue eyes, and found that there was somebody watching him. It's been days since they were last together in a dark room while everyone else was asleep and frankly, Roxas missed it. He missed knowing that nobody would be able to disturb them. The daytime was too busy nowadays, Xemnas didn't even sleep anymore. Axel and Roxas barely had any time to even say a greeting to each other. Even Demyx was training for hours inside his room.

Roxas blinked and wondered if this was just a dream. He was already so close to being convinced when Axel spoke up.

"Well, I left my door open and you didn't come by …again." He said, walking towards a stunned Roxas. He stopped in front of him and stood there in an arrogant pose, that smirk still on his face. "I wondered what you were doing, so I came by to visit…" He put his hands on his hips and then added, "…_again._"

Roxas' eyes widened and he spluttered out things like, "..was asleep..", "You were here?!", "…said in my sleep..", "Oh my God…". Roxas usually spoke in his sleep. What embarrassing things did he mutter? He remembered having a dream about chasing after sea-salt ice-cream and then maybe asking Axel for help to conquer the said treat. And then he remembered having another dream where he was having a tickle fight with Axel and then asking Axel to buy him a puppy that was a striking resemblance of Saix.

_Axel, chew on the left side while I nibble on the right. Divide and conquer! Divide and conquer! Don't let it melt away!_

_Please, Axel, get me a puppy! This one looks adorable but why is he blue?..._

Roxas shook all the things he might've said in his sleep out of his head as he stared at Axel, blushing quite a bit. Axel laughed and glanced at Roxas, only making him laugh even harder when he saw that Roxas was pouting.

"I'm sorry, Sir, but the ice-cream managed to melt away." Axel said seriously while saluting and then, seeing the mixture of shock and annoyance in Roxas' face, he burst out laughing once again.

"Fine, fine I'll get you a puppy."

"Hey, what-... I didn't mean-…that was a dream!!" Roxas retorted. He gripped the sheets and stuck out his tongue at Axel. The red-head rolled his eyes, crossed his arms once again and looked away.

"…But then, seeing as you'd rather sleep than visit your best friend, I think I'll have to think twice about getting you a puppy."

Roxas' bit his lip and looked the opposite direction. He heard Axel sigh and he shivered a bit.

"Hey, Rox."

"Yeah?"

"We're… best friends… right? You're my best friend and I'm…. your best friend, right?"

Roxas pondered over this. He _was_ the closest to Axel and Axel _was_ the closest to him. He looked at the other nobody and became aware that he was staring right at him, waiting for his answer.

"Yeah. Yeah, we are." Roxas smiled.

"And if ever you're going to leave-…"

"…-I'm not going anywhere."

Axel looked at him fiercely, straight into Roxas' blue eyes. His green eyes had a pained expression in them; there was pain and a mixture of sadness and anger, as if Roxas was leaving that very moment and Axel was pleading him not to go.

"…and if ever you're going to leave…" he continued, "…promise me you'll say goodbye, okay?"

And Roxas, without hesitation replied, "Okay. I promise."

-----

I began counting for how long ago those memories were. Axel knew, didn't he, that I would leave Organization XIII one day? It's sad, since we've already become so close, closer than any pair of best friends, I believe. I stood up and turned my back on him. I turned my back on the only thing –the only person keeping me from leaving without hesitation. Axel. _Why am I still here?_ I ask myself. Was I stalling? I shook my head to clear myself from any thoughts that would distract me and began walking towards the door. He still kept it open but tonight, he actually was asleep. He was probably exhausted from the mission he had to do earlier. Closing the door gently, I whisper into the room, as if Axel could hear it, to fulfill a promise I made some time ago.

"Goodbye, Axel."

When I left, everyone was asleep, so imagine my shock when I went around the corner and found him leaning against the wall. It nearly made my heart stop, well, if I had a heart, of course. Axel claims I do, but I don't believe him.

"You didn't say goodbye." His voice trembled a bit, but he looked calm.

"Yes, I did, but you were asleep or at least, I thought you were."

"So you've made up your mind, huh?"

"Why did the keyblade choose me? I have to know."

"You can't turn on the Organization. You get on their bad side and they'll destroy you."

"No one would miss me."

"That's not true…" I heard him say. "… I would."

I was almost afraid to ask. "Why?" I couldn't hide the quiver in my voice either.

"We're best friends, right?"

I kept silent and took a step. I took another and before I realized it, I was running away. Running away from everything I've come to care about, the laughs we used to share, the talks about things that barely mattered and about things that mattered the most, Marluxia's flowers, the other members of the Organization, Axel. Axel… I stopped running and looked back, as if expecting him to appear, running after me. I listened, as if expecting him to call out my name.

Before my false hopes could rise any further, I was attacked. I managed to dodge his attacks and I learned more about my attacker. Riku, he was called. He was fighting for his best friend. We paused for a bit to catch our breaths and before I could stop myself, I asked him, "Were you able to say goodbye?"


End file.
